Day 24 (I think)

So the past few days I have cried a lot less. I still cry and the mornings are still the worst. I am sick of having dreams of you. Dreams where we are together or where you are breaking up with me neither feel good. I still am devastated and confused, and angry and lost.

I hate that your friends like my posts as if I am fine and having a great time. I would trade anything to have you back to have a real shot where you were honest about our relationship and didn’t just tell me everything was good all the time.

I hope at some point you really start to miss me. I hope that I meant something to you and that I am not so easy to forget. I hope you got something good out of our relationship. I really tried and I am worthy of being missed and loved.

 

My appetite is coming back which is good but now after barely eating for 3 weeks I am worried about gaining weight. I bought a bunch of pre made meals from trader joes all healthy no cheese no red meat low calories. My legs are sore from the gym yesterday and I worked on my resume. Now I need to apply to jobs that will keep me busy sometimes I think about applying to you work and not because I ever want to run into you that would be a nightmare but because I want the discount to replace all the things you got me with things that I like but were not from you. Its a insanely large place but I feel like I would run into day one and look like a psycho. You bought me so much stuff though and some of it I will keep but whatever I can bear to get rid off I want to get rid off and replace. That would just be a second job though still looking for a full time weekly job that would just be weekends. I doubt ill do it plus I would still have to get hired.

Promoted 

So I do okay for a few hours at a time and I want to do okay so we can be friends one day I really do. Anyways I got promoted at work something that should be good just brought me to tears the second I was alone. I can’t tell you about it. The worst week of my life and I get more responsibility I know you thought I was coasting at this job but it was giving me actual data entry experience and now I have some giant project I have to organize and create a system for all these files I feel like you’d think this was good. It’s a temp job I still am going to pursue bigger things but while I work on my resume and apply for jobs it’s pretty cool I’m getting to learn and do more things here. But you’ll probably never hear about it.