you chewed me up and spit me out like I was poison in your mouth.

I don’t even know who you are anymore. Maybe I never did I question so many things now. How can I spend everyday with someone for over a year, How can I share a bed and the place I lived with someone who would just lie to me like that?  He seems completely fine this break up has literally no effect on him. He doesn’t miss me, he isn’t sad about us he just feels bad that Im sad. So our relationship must have been a problem for awhile for him to get over it within a week, and he never told me when there was a problem. Mr. honesty Mr. communicate your feelings didn’t even do it himself. You didn’t let me know there was any problems you didn’t even act weird until April so two weeks you acted distant and than acted like I being ridiculous when I was worried and started acting weird back.

I went on okcupid no not to date I know I will not be ready for that for awhile I just don’t know where to make friends with similar interests. Of course our messages were some of the last ones on there and I read them and god I loved that person I don’t know if your that person anymore. You said you wanted someone to be your partner in crime, someone honest, someone to settle down with, someone who would take care for you and believe in you, someone who values you. I was all of those things and you just threw me away with no warning.


Sometimes I do feel okay

I will usually post when I am having a hard time but I should show that sometimes I do know it is going to be okay. I mean of course even at my best I would still want to be with you but I can be okay with just being friends eventually.

Like right now I am watching Silicon Valley and it is so cringey and I know you would be covering your ears in embarrassment. It makes me smile I wish you were here but not in a sad way.

One reason I feel okay right now is because we talked today. I know we should’t have I didn’t mean for it to be a conversation I just wanted to ask you to block me on Facebook so I wouldn’t see you since we have mutual friends and they are more your friends I didn’t want to see things they posted about you and get more upset. I asked you to not text back. You did saying you would always care about me and of course I couldn’t help myself but answer back. You didn’t answer me about wanting your keys back and you didn’t make it sound as hopeful as you did before but did promise for us to be friends and you would never count me out romantically but definitely nothing any time soon.

I feel like I feel a little better and understand more but that could just be the high off of talking to you maybe tomorrow I will melt down.

I have literally nothing else to text now  I can’t see you on social media. I know I left some stuff there but I don’t think you’ll throw it away and I can wait. You don’t apparently want your keys back. You changed the internet over in your name.

I have to focus on myself.