I woke up a million times this morning felt horrible each time. I can’t wait for this phase to pass. Last night my friends distracted me of course I talked about you and thought about you constantly but they did make me laugh I didn’t cry too much. I get soo tired soo early now falling asleep isn’t a huge issue its the mornings as I’ve written before. I think I must have a million dreams about you which doesn’t help.
I just wish you would text me….”anything” you joked you would text me the word anything because I so badly wanted to hear anything from you I said. I don’t know if you are going to probably not and my heart will break a little more. I so badly want to ask you if I can occasionally ask how you are doing? if you are okay?
Thats another thing about saying you broke up with be because of your depression if its not true than fuck I am spending so much time worrying about you and caring when I shouldn’t. I mean I will always worry and care even if you weren’t depressed even if you didn’t tell me the truth because I love you. But saying you are having a hard time and than to push me away I just want to help you and I can’t and it is so hard.
I have therapy in 30 minutes and than my friend is going to take me on a boat into the ocean. I hope dramamine works because I used to love the ocean so much but I get motion sick easily. Hopefully I don’t cry too much on the boat.