Today is really hard, I thought last night would be, you broke up with me Thursday night last week although it lasted until Friday afternoon so maybe thats why today is so hard. Last night I was so emotionally tired I just watched really really bad tv and fell asleep of course I thought of you but no crying or panic attacks.
As most mornings I just this horrible feeling in my stomach. I just can’t believe its been a week since you decided this. I keep thinking about things that hurt me more not to torture myself but to understand or accept? You cried so much on Thursday/Friday but not on Sunday. Maybe you did just cry because you felt bad about hurting me. You weren’t crying because you would miss me or didn’t want to do this. Sunday I still cried when I saw you and you didn’t. You said nice things but you did say you were a good liar and could manipulate people (although I don’t know if I ever saw it) so maybe you just didn’t want to make me feel bad so you said nice things, you held my hand, you called me cute girl you kissed me like you really meant it knowing after that you wouldn’t have to deal with me. I don’t really think you are that cruel I just have no idea what to think.
I really need to go to work its my last day…I know they have nothing for me to do which is one reason its hard I don’t want to just think about you. I can’t really apply for jobs on my phone so I can’t even distract myself with something positive. Some people said they’d help me with my resume so maybe this weekend I can get that done. I have to buy some nicer clothes probably go buy ones you help me pick out months ago so that will suck for me.