My heart hurts I am not as hysterical today though. I started “unpacking” cleaning and organizing my sad trash bags of stuff.
I talked to my therapist its nice to talk about how I don’t understand and it still makes no sense and she agrees unless I am missing something. She said I also lost my best friend that she could tell we really loved each other and we were best friends. It is nice to have others say that to me and it wasn’t in my head unless he was a great at lying. I still am not sure why he gave me his spare keys and said to use his hulu and than takes me off the next day I almost want to ask if he wants his keys backs but I am scared for the answer but again the truth is best to help me get better so I really hope he isn’t lying to me. Not that I think he is a liar he just might think he’s helping me by saying nice things he may not mean to me even after breaking up with me.
Anyways I have to go back to work tomorrow I don’t know how that will go and I need to find a job…What a great time to be looking for a job! Completely utterly heartbroken. One thing that helps distract me is look at apartments and better job but I am just worried how I will perform on interview and at a new place while mourning this amazing relationship and friendship I had.
I need help with my resume…I might have someone log into Facebook for me and see if any friends can help. Obviously I would rather have him back and I wish I would have had more self confidence to get a better job when I was with him (although I did have reasons at times to not) that is the least I can get out of this heartbreak is getting a better job so I can take care of myself.
Positives my therapist mentioned what great skin I have…I swear crying does wonders I have the clearest skin. And I seem to have lost 8 lbs since we broke up a whole 4 days ago. Now I know that isn’t good and I don’t want to get unhealthy I just feel sick its hard to eat. i bought some smoothie drinks, yogurt and salad stuff just to make sure I eat and eat healthy.